THE GAZE OF LOVE...

Pic Courtesy: CraftZine

She willed herself to not check her phone to see if he had replied. It had been about three days now. She hated that she was constantly checking his 'last seen at' status and yes, he had logged in just five minutes ago. Yet she couldn't stop herself. This sinking feeling to find absolutely no communication from him was becoming unbearable, almost torturous.

And then, just as she sat down in her chair, her phone vibrated. With her heart thudding in her ear, she unlocked her phone and stared at the screen. Finally! It was his message.

But when she opened it and read it, she nearly stopped breathing. She didn't know if he was joking or not. It was like she was living a half- life. While she was running her eyes through the mobile screen, she got up from the chair all of a sudden and walked undesirably towards the mirror. She spoke to herself looking at her that she couldn’t accept the fact. It took some time for her to come back to life. While she stared at the mirror, it seemed that her thoughts went back to some time.

 It was five months after joining the college. On a busy day with the usual college routines while she stayed near a copy center, when suddenly she looked back at a guy in blue shirts who was constantly glancing at her. It was like never before a feeling undefined within her heart. After a while, when he disappeared suddenly to nowhere. She left the sight behind her thoughts.

Three months later during her vacations, she logged into her Facebook account and happened to see a message by an unknown. As she visited his profile, she found it was Sameer, the same guy who glanced and made her thoughts blank. After a momentarily thought, she replied when he started introducing himself with the lightest affection. Soon they developed a relation of understanding between them. Their opinions, interests and vision were almost the same.

 After the vacations, she was so thrilled that it was the first time she was going to meet him (preferably to see him). Although they maintained a good status between them, she actually was curious to see such a guy who really took her time over. All the breaks and free hours, she searched for him and it was even very soon they went over to mobile conversations. This paved the way towards the betterment of their friendship. He used to say his personal affairs like she does.

Frequently he used to say about a girl whom he had seen somewhere and have been already fell in love with. They talked much about her and his unconditional love towards her. He used to describe her with a Muslim character in a film by singing songs, expressing those movie dialogues. He used to call her by a name, but for some reason, she hoped it was not her real name. He used to describe her, her grace and enlightened face to which he got attracted. She asked him that she wanted to see her. All what he replied was’’ A time will come when I will show her in front of you’’!. After each day she went eager to know her and see her someday. In his words, she was like a hiring beauty in her hijab.

On a rainy day, while Ashira was travelling to home, Sameer joined her by the way. During these times they spent more on their interesting hobbies. During the semester exams, she found his birthday were advancing and planned to give him a surprise. She was very happy as it was after when she met Sameer that she felt she had a good friend at the last. She made herself the greetings and wrapped a special gift for him. By the evening she along with her friends joined him on the journey to Trivandrum. But they unexpectedly missed the train and were forced to wait for the last night train.

As the train went through the track at dark, she called him personally near the door. She gave him a biscuit packet and stood there quiet.  When he opened it, he found inside some funny items in it, by the time he became anxious to know what was really inside. At last, he found a red coloured wrist watch so shining. He looked slowly into her eyes. “Many many happy returns of the day”. He was so surprised that he went out of mind. How did you know about this? It was really a surprise to me. In fact, he doesn’t have any words to say. Hardly were they able to stand there alone when their friends joined the two and it became a happy night journey.

 By that week, he was able to meet her family and accustomed to. Soon he became one among them. She often feels that she is so lucky to have a friend like him. They shared their joys and jokes together. Each time when he says about his girl, she became more and more curious to see her as soon as possible. As the days passed, she felt even friendlier. This time she thought about sharing to him, her biggest pain of the time. Without much starting trouble, she introduced a new character into the light. It was her love. He showed more courtesy towards her by these times. She had been affected by the love so hard that she cannot actually express her past. Her love was a burning pain for her. Sameer gave her much confidence these days to overcome those memories and to sustain in life.

He went more emotionally attached towards Ashira while she found his relieving words as a comfortable rest chair for her mind. She acted in her life with his decisions from then and there. As the time headed forward there were many other set of problems that could take over her sustenance. All these times, Sameer was just a strong pillar holding her tightly giving the courage to face all the issues in her life. Their common friends went by two ways due to the unawareness off the values of friendship. Many a times they had misjudged their relation.

One evening, as they were with the usual casual talks, she asked him again that she wanted to see his hiding love and that she cannot wait for anymore. He used. He replied after sometime that he had some other engagements to do. It was a silent run away from her question. Why did he felt disturbed by that question? She thought deeply. She cannot point out the exact reason for that. From that day she hasn’t seen him for days.

As another winter arrived and the Christmas lights spread all over. She was walking through the college corridor, just as she saw Sameer climbing the steps. She was astonished to see her best friend after such a long break. She forced him to stay there. “Sameer”! Just wait for a second. I just have to ask you something. What have I done to you? I didn’t know that such a simple wish to see your girl can make you stay away from me.  Sameer replied hesitatingly ‘’Please leave me alone. I don’t wish to speak much’'.Sameer what happened to you? Whatever be the matter, share it with me. I am your friend, what is that makes you so sad? Who is that girl? Sameer, Is there any problem with her? Tell me or else I am not able to see you like this anymore. What is it? Speak to me! Who is she?  Why are you not able to show her to me? I will speak to her.

Just as when she stopped requesting, his voice came slowly.‘’She is no more”.As she looked into his still plane eyes, by the time he walked back and moved down the stairs. That was an unexpected shock for her.

The day set down into the hands of moonlight. At the hostel room, she was not at all able to stay any further with the scrutinizing thought about what he said. Without hesitation, she planned to text him. Her finger tips were trembling. “I am Sorry” Sameer. I didn’t know all this. I think you were just time passing with me. Remember you told me that one day you will show her in front of me. I was actually waiting for that moment all these days as you said that. But now actually I am afraid that I may pain you unknowingly. I think I have misused my freedom towards you.Whenever you have been with me, I felt you were actually vanishing the pain of my lost love. You have become my only best friend and to be precise something more than that Sameer! It was why I took much over you regarding your dream love. I am sorry that I really wanted to see her at any cost. I don’t want to know anything else about her.

 Just as she heard another vibration, as she regained her presence of mind from the longing look back to the past. She returned her face down into her mobile monitor. She read it again by her mind “yes I will show her”.

 It was hard to believe that he had actually texted her in such a weird manner. Why have she asked him such a question. She was afraid that if he would completely take off all the relations they had till now. It was he himself who said that she is no more and then how can he show her. “Life is just a toss of unpredictable destiny’'. We decide something, and destiny would bring the opposite. Like it is said that ‘’It always rains the hardest on the people, who deserve the sun’’.

Before getting ready to meet her, be yourself prepared to see her. The words of Sameer pointed like thorns.
’’If you can go and stand by the mirror’’ and look into your own eyes so deep‘’. You can see her in front of you!

‘’Her eyes went out blank and her thoughts spelt silence and she stood there by the only power of gravity”. The only thing that was moving was her trembling fingers. She is about to open the new text. It made her almost deadly alive. With all the courage she gathered by herself, she looked into it with her starry eyes...
“Ashira,It was ’’ YOU”!  You Were My Love….”

As the eyes went through these words, she stared back at the mirror towards her. Her eyes glared with pleasance and her face seemed to have enlightened with a shining grace. As her hijab was flying in the air hardly could she see her hiding face by the light? She was able to find a perfect breathe after a long time!